


Valuable

by valerie_z



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 19:59:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valerie_z/pseuds/valerie_z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone wants to mate with Sheppard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valuable

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly gen but a bit of Sheppard/McKay and Sheppard/Ronon. R for language. No sex. Takes place mid-season 3. I’m new to the fandom so apologies if I got any details wrong.

“This planet reminds me of Vancouver,” McKay said as he followed the others through the woods. “Actually a lot of these planets do. Is that weird?”

“Keep quiet,” Sheppard said.

McKay looked around. “But I thought the sensors said there was no technology here.”

“We still don’t know about the lifeforms,” Sheppard said.

“Also, better to notice them before they notice us,” Teyla added.

“Also, shut up,” Ronon said.

They soon came to a small village, where humanoids in plain clothing wandered between merchant stands set up outside wooden buildings. Many were making their way toward the edge of the village, but paid no mind to the team entering. In the distance rolling farmlands were visible.

“Lower your weapons,” Sheppard said.

The group entered the village, attracting minimal attention, but it wasn’t long before an older man hurried out of one of the buildings to greet them.

“Welcome,” the man said. “Are you from the other continent?”

“Yes,” Sheppard said quickly. “We’re from…there.”

“We’d like to discuss diplomacy and trade,” Teyla said.

“Yeah,” McKay muttered, looking over his shoulder at one of the merchant stands. “Because Atlantis runs on potatoes.”

The man smiled widely. “Of course. I am Magg, the village elder. And what are your occupations?”

“I’m John,” Sheppard said. “I’m the uh…navigator. This is Teyla, our…”

“Strategist,” Teyla said, extending her hand.

“Rodney, the scientist,” Sheppard said. “And this is Ronon.”

“What do you do?” Magg asked.

“I kill things,” Ronon said.

Magg’s eyes widened.

“Not you,” Sheppard assured him.

Ronon smiled. “Not yet.”

“Well,” Magg said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, and I hate to be inhospitable, but today is a great day of worship.”

“Worship?” Shepperd looked around and noticed that even more people were slowly heading out of the village. “May I ask…?”

“You mean the gods don’t visit the other continent?” The man put his hand on Sheppard’s shoulder. “Then how fortunate that you visited us today! It is the day each year when the gods come down from the heavens and bless us.”

“Bless you how?” Teyla asked.

“We gather in the field by the sacred circle,” the man explained, his eyes shining with happiness. “The gods descend and choose the most valuable among us to be taken back to heaven with them.” He sighed. “I am praying to be chosen this year.”

“This sacred circle,” Sheppard asked. “Do the gods come out of it?”

“Most do,” he explained. “They also come via a chariot from the heavens or from beams of light.” He looked up at the sky. “Our second sun is low. The gods will be arriving shortly.” He bowed his head slightly. “I must go. But please return to this place tomorrow and speak to those who remain.”

Sheppard smiled. “Will do.” He waited until Magg walked away before speaking to the others. “So the sacred circle is clearly - ”

“The Stargate,” McKay finished. “They must not know how to use it.”

“And people from another world are posing as gods,” Teyla added.

“The Wraith,” Ronon said.

“It may be,” Teyla said. “But there are many unexplored worlds on this side of the galaxy.”

Sheppard started walking out of the village and gestured for the others to follow. “We’ll watch from the forest and see who these gods are. If they’re dangerous we’ll dial Atlantis and call for back-up.”

“Why risk our necks?” McKay asked. “The villagers seem happy to be kidnapped.”

“We have a duty to all living things,” Teyla said.

“And killing Wraith is always a good idea,” Ronon said.

They rested in the woods for about an hour watching the villagers gather around the Stargate. Finally it opened, and the villagers fell to their knees as about fifty Wraith strode out of the portal.

McKay tested his radio. “It’s no use. We need the Stargate to call for back-up.”

“We will have to wait them out,” Teyla said.

The group heard a rustling behind them and Ronon drew his gun before they even turned around. In the distance a group of Wraith were approaching slowly, pausing as grateful villagers moved toward them.

Sheppard put his hand on Ronon’s gun and pushed it downward. “Everyone, hide your weapons in the brush. We can’t win this.”

McKay gestured toward the Stargate. “They’re still coming. A hundred at least.”

“Just kneel down,” Sheppard instructed. “Hopefully they’ll walk by.”

Teyla cleared away a section of brush near a downed tree and gathered everyone’s guns and radios. She held her hand out to Ronon but he took a step backwards.

“I will not bow to the Wraith.”

From where he was already kneeling around the ground, McKay whispered, “Dammit, you’ll get us killed.”

Sheppard put his hand on Ronon’s shoulder. “Just this once, and then I promise we’ll go out later and kill every Wraith in the galaxy.” He smiled. “And then we’ll get ice cream.”

They had just covered the stash of weapons when five Wraith approached them.

“These four are far from the sacred circle,” a Wraith hissed.

“Forgive us,” Teyla said.

The Wraith strolled around them, surveying them carefully.

“We require the most valuable among you,” one of them said. “The youngest and strongest. You.” It put its hand on Ronon’s shoulder. He immediately pulled backward and reached for a knife concealed at his waist.

“Take me!” Sheppard said, rising to his feet and moving between the Wraith and Ronon. “I’m strong and healthy. Five-minute mile. BP 120 over 80.” He nudged Ronon backward. “I’m likeable among my peers and popular with the ladies.”

“Don’t remind me,” McKay muttered.

The Wraith looked at each other for a moment before one spoke again. “Then we select you.” It gestured at the others. “You, gather offerings and place them at the sacred circle.” It grabbed Sheppard by the wrist and the group of them disappeared in white transporter light.

Ronon dove for the stash of weapons. “We have to get to the Stargate.”

“We don’t stand a chance,” McKay said. “There are over a hundred Wraith out there, and only three of us, and one of us is me.”

“Our best bet is to get on the hive ship,” Teyla said. “Since the villagers go willingly they are probably not restrained.”

“So we have to act like we worship the Wraith?” McKay looked at Ronon. “Somehow I don’t think you can manage that. Stay here and go through the Stargate once it’s clear.”

“I’m not leaving Sheppard behind,” Ronon said.

“Let him come,” Teyla argued. “He can act.”

“He can’t act,” McKay huffed.

Ronon took a step closer to McKay. “Right now I’m acting like I’m not about to punch you.”

“Bickering will not save John!” Teyla shouted. She took the gun from Ronon’s hands and tossed it behind her. “We will try to get aboard the hive ship as worshippers. Hopefully we can find John and escape before the ship leaves orbit.”

They abandoned their weapons and any identifying items and headed to the clearing with the Stargate. There, hundreds of villagers knelt with their heads bowed as groups of Wraith selected individuals and were beamed off the planet’s surface.

“Quietly,” Teyla whispered as they approached. She stepped in between two villagers standing with a Wraith and the entire group was transported.

There was the noise of a dart ship overhead. Ronon tapped McKay’s shoulder and pointed to three villagers hugging each other and sobbing with joy. They dashed into the group just as the dart’s transporter beam enveloped the area.

They rematerialized in a long, open room inside a Wraith hive ship. It was crowded with villagers. Some were on the floor praying, while some were smiling and hugging each other.

“What do we do?” McKay asked.

“We shut up,” Ronon whispered.

Teyla emerged from the crowd and hurried to join them.

“Move slowly with me,” Teyla whispered. “Keep your voice down and look for John.”

They gently pushed their way through the crowd, forcing smiles at any villagers who greeted them. At one point a young man threw his arms around Ronon, who froze in place and scowled down at the man.

“I will eat your face,” Ronon growled. The villager ran away.

“Hey,” McKay said. “You’ll blow our cover.” He sighed. “I can’t believe anyone called you valuable.”

“Are you honestly giving credence to the Wraith’s opinions?” Teyla asked as she moved past him.

McKay pointed at Ronon. “They only picked you because you’re the prettiest.”

Teyla turned around. “Hey.”

A group of smiling young women walked past them and nodded their greetings.

“I’m just saying,” McKay said softly. “If anyone is the most valuable member of the team it’s me.”

Ronon stopped walking and looked at him skeptically. “So when we start fighting the Wraith, you think you’ll be valuable?”

“Yes, yes, you’re the warrior,” McKay admitted. “But how many times have I saved all our lives?”

“I’ve saved Sheppard’s life more than you.”

“You’re an interchangeable musclehead,” McKay spat out. “You’re only on the team because Sheppard felt sorry for you.”

Ronon advanced on him. “You’re only on the team because you know math.”

“Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Idiots!” Teyla shouted.

McKay and Ronon turned to her, along with several of the villagers. She moved into a less crowded corner nearby and they followed.

“Stop arguing like children,” Teyla hissed. “This is a rescue mission, not a test of manhood.”

McKay looked at her questioningly. “Manhood like strength or like…parts?”

Ronon folded his arms. “Either way, I win.”

There was a murmuring in the crowd, and a shuffling of bodies as villagers began falling to their knees. “The gods approach!” a man shouted.

Teyla pointed at McKay and Ronon. “Keep your heads down and let me do the talking.”

The three knelt on the ship floor, listening as a handful of Wraith in groups of two or three stopped to receive villagers’ praise. The Wraith themselves were mostly silent, though they kept glancing at each other, clearly communicating telepathically.

“John and I play golf once a week,” McKay whispered.

“John and I spar twice a week,” Ronon shot back.

“John and I have sex three times a week,” Teyla added.

McKay gasped. “Really?”

Ronon patted her on the shoulder. “I knew it. Good for you.”

“I was kidding,” Teyla snapped. “To show you how ridiculous…” She looked up and her face paled. “All hail the gods.”

Two Wraith walked up to them and stared down at them for a moment without moving. Finally one growled, “Go on.”

“We are honored to be aboard your chariot,” Teyla continued. “We find you beautiful creatures.”

“Yes, your chariot is – is - glorious,” McKay stuttered out. “I love how it looks like scrotums stitched together with tentacles.”

“And your hair is pretty,” Teyla said.

McKay nodded. “Do you use a deep conditioner?”

“Oh, fuck this.” Ronon stood up and easily swiped the weapons from both Wraith. They were dead on the ground before they knew what had happened. He tossed one weapon to Teyla and rushed toward a group on the opposite side of the room, shooting two while breaking the third’s neck. Meanwhile, Teyla easily cleared the remaining Wraith around them.

“What the hell?” McKay shouted. “That wasn’t the plan.”

“John!” Teyla called out.

“Sheppard, you in here?” Ronan shouted.

A group of villagers began advancing on McKay. “Guys? I don’t think we’re very popular right now.”

Teyla gestured to a corridor near her. “The holding cell. This way.”

Ronon shoved aside the villagers and helped McKay into the corridor, where Teyla put her hand on a control panel and shut the door behind them before taking off further into the ship. A single Wraith approached from an adjoining corridor, and Ronon punched him in the neck, creating a disturbing crunching sound.

He held his stolen gun to the Wraith’s temple. “Where’s John Sheppard?” The Wraith only hissed in reply, and Ronon shot him in the face without hesitating.

McKay walked up beside him and looked at the corpse. “Are you in love with John or do you just like killing things?”

Ronon shrugged. “Little of both.”

Teyla came running back. “He’s not in the holding cell.”

“You think he’s in a cocoon?” Ronon asked.

McKay paled. “Or worse?”

“Hey!” A familiar voice came to them from the distance. “No means no!”

They rushed down the corridor and into a small chamber, where a Wraith queen was holding Sheppard by the shoulders. As they watched, she pulled him close and licked his face. “There’s no use struggling,” she hissed. “I will mate with you.”

“No fair,” McKay said. “Everyone wants to mate with Sheppard.”

“But he doesn’t take advantage,” Ronon added. “You know why? Cause he’s classy.”

McKay nodded. “He’s really classy.”

Teyla rushed the Wraith queen, with Ronon close behind her, and John fell to the ground, one leg bent at an unnatural angle.

John pointed at the control panel on the other side of the room. “Auxiliary controls. Can you override the main access?”

McKay hurried toward the panel. “Of course I can.”

The Wraith queen threw both Teyla and Ronon across the room, and began moving toward Sheppard again.

“I’m sensing she’s unusually evolved,” Teyla said. “She’ll be difficult to kill.”

Ronon stood up. “Everyone needs a head.” He tore a piece of metal off the queen’s throne, tackled her, and sliced her throat so deeply her head nearly came off.

“Dart bay is unlocked,” McKay said as he rushed to the others. He pointed at Sheppard. “Quick question - Who’s more valuable, me or the caveman?”

“I killed the queen!” Ronon argued.

“Yeah, well, I put the ship on a crash course with the planet,” McKay said.

“So I take it we should get the hell out of here?” Sheppard asked.

McKay and Ronon each took one of Sheppard’s arms and rushed him to the dart bay, as Teyla provided cover fire.

Later that day Sheppard was relaxing in a bed in the Atlantis infirmary. One of his legs and a few ribs were broken, so he was on a lot of painkillers.

“Is tomorrow Wednesday?” Sheppard asked. He looked at Teyla, McKay, and Ronon standing around him. “Is it hat weather?” He held his hand in front of his face. “Is this my hand?”

“Glad to have you safe, John,” Teyla said. “And I think we’ve all learned an important lesson about how each member of our team is valuable.”

“Is there any chocolate milk on this train?” Sheppard asked.

McKay held out a bunch of yellow wildflowers. “I brought you this.”

Sheppard smiled and took them. “Thanks, but I’m not going to Detroit without my rabbits.”

Ronon dropped what looked like a handful of lumpy slime into Sheppard’s lap. “This is a Wraith queen eyeball I stole for you.”

“Oh, no fair,” McKay whined. “You knew you’d trump me with an eyeball.”

Teyla sighed. “I thought we agreed to stop this nonsense.”

“When you’re better we should spar,” Ronon said to Sheppard. “You know, that thing we do that McKay’s not invited to.”

“Or we could have dinner,” McKay said to Sheppard, though he was glaring at Ronon. “And talk about science.”

Ronon took a step toward McKay. “I may not know much about science, but I could measure the terminal velocity of you flying across this room.”

“That’s it!” McKay leaned over the hospital bed and briefly kissed Sheppard on the lips. “There, I win.”

Ronon patted Sheppard on the shoulder. “I’d kiss you too, but now you have his germs.”

Sheppard lifted the slimy eyeball out of his lap and let it fall back down. “It’s hard to calibrate onion rings.”

McKay sighed. “John, do you even know what’s going on?”

Sheppard looked up at them and smiled. “Is it that I’m the prettiest princess in my floating space city?”

“That about covers it,” Teyla said. She gestured at the other two. “I think we should let him rest. Perhaps if you two hurry you can knit him a scarf made of Wraith hair for when he is released.”

McKay snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

Ronon shook his head. “We would never do that.”

“Though I have knitting needles,” McKay added.

“And I have a severed head,” Ronon said. “Let’s go.”

They hurried out of the room and down the hallway, their voices echoing as they began arguing over their project.


End file.
